Tom Brady retirement beach sand up for auction on eBay

Image for article titled OnlySands: Nearly $100K bid for jar of Tom Brady retirement beach

Screenshot: Twitter (left)/eBay (right)

Once upon a time, Jack, a struggling farm boy in the English countryside, was asked to sell his prized family cow so that his household may have enough money to eat for the rest of the week. Instead of selling the cow, he trades the cow for some magic beans. Have you heard this story? Probably. While everyone made fun of Jack for making a trade more one-sided than the DeAndre Hopkins deal back in 2020, Jack proved his intuition correct when the beans sprouted a magical beanstalk that grew to the heavens. Yes, he was a fantastic hero for making such a remarkable trade. Now, imagine the beans never sprouted. How stupid would he look? Probably not as dumb as whoever spends $100,000 on the sand where Tom Brady announced his retirement.

The 23-year NFL vet, seven-time Super Bowl champ, and three-time MVP recently announced his retirement from a beach in Florida. Quickly, investigators tried to decipher where that beach was. Turns out it was a public beach in Surfside near Miami, where he was once rumored to play. Regardless, this realization led several people to do what they do best, try to make a quick buck, but no one succeeded quite as well as eBay user gadgetgs.

Gadgetgs quickly found the exact spot where Brady filmed his retirement video and filled a jar with as much sand as he could. He posted a picture of the jar as well as a New York Times newspaper from Feb. 1 to prove that the sand was obtained recently. As you can see from the tweet above, people have bid nearly $100,000 on these little pebbles where Brady once stood. That’s absolutely ridiculous.

Image for article titled OnlySands: Nearly $100K bid for jar of Tom Brady retirement beach

Will the sand sell for six figures?

Even crazier is that the bid has gone up since. It currently sits at $99,900. Whoever makes the next ridiculous bid will be marching into six-figure territory. That’s more than two years’ worth of an average American’s salary…being spent on sand.

You know what the saddest part about all this is though? Any remnant of Brady’s feet being on that sand is likely long gone. It’s already come out that Brady filmed that video at least a day before posting it, but probably longer. Sources close to Brady told ESPN and NFL Network that he filmed the video “a while ago.” The Boston Globe also reported that Brady had told his parents he would retire more than a week before the video was posted to social media.

With the shifting tides and constant wind on the shore, odds are that any Brady particles that may have crawled into the sand as Brady shuffled his feet along the coarse surface are likely long gone. If whoever buys this jar was hoping to find some of Brady’s DNA and clone his own three-time MVP, they’re most likely shit out of luck.

Surely, more people are going to try to cash in on this fad. Already, we’ve seen multiple TikToks about people finding the same spot and grabbing some pebbles of their own to sell on the internet.

What’s next though? Grass from the exact spot in Raymond James Stadium where Tom Brady threw his final touchdown? That would be the next logical step, and if that does come to fruition, perhaps being a groundskeeper in Tampa Bay can finally net you a six-figure salary. So, I’m just gonna hop on over to Indeed real quick and see if there are any listings.

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